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27 July 2010 @ 07:50 pm
So... my laptop is dead now. any parts that i had were used to build a new system for my mother, because that crazy idiot called my sister shorted all the parts in it.

Long story short, i wont be able to go online and such for quite some time. My phone is still working, so i'll only have that to use for people who need to get a hold of me.

Whats that saying... oh yeah "When it rains, it pours"

Posted via LjBeetle
Current Mood: Pissed
21 July 2010 @ 08:03 pm
Thank you to everyone who sent me birthday wishes. I appricate them a lot. Not going to go into detail about the actual day, but my closer friends probly know about it already.

Again, thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. Here's to 23 being better than 22.
Current Mood: blahblah
10 June 2010 @ 01:58 am
I've been dealing with a whole lot these days. One thing after another it seems. All I have to say is, thank you.

Thank you to my friends who dealt with me, worried about me, were there to keep me from my breaking point. Thank you to the ones that cared enough to call and yell (looks at a coon) and invite to out to lift my spirits. And thank you to Razorfoot, for being more than I ever asked for, and holding me up when I felt like I was close to the bottom.

Current Mood: determined
Current Music: Survive by Rise Against
23 February 2010 @ 06:17 pm
Well, after 3 years and a whole lotta close calls with it, my BlackBerry finally died on me x.x Battery contacts are shot, and probly the battery too.

As such, I'm probly gonna be completely MIA till I get a new phone, which should be this coming weekend when I cancel my T-Mobile plan and switch back to Verizon.

Don't know if I can salvage my saved numbers yet, but I should be able to keep the same number. I'll try to let those who had my number before know whats going on, provided they still want it lol.

So yea, won't be able to keep in contact with anyone besides AIM and such till Saturday. I'll probly be bothering people for numbers later when I know more about this.
Current Mood: tiredtired
30 December 2009 @ 02:18 am
Past few days... I've been thinking a lot. Kinda one of the huge faults I have in my character, thinking too much and letting them run away with me. What's been on my mind was the year coming to a close...

This years didn't start well for me, whatsoever. Not gonna hide that fact. For a while tonight... I laid back in my nest and looked back on 2009... and started thinking about 2010.

I thought about the things I regret from this past year... the things that saddened me. The things I wanted to do, but just couldn't. I thought about some of the things that happened to me, the randomness, the good, the bad, the downright strange. I thought about the people I met, the friends I made... the friends I lost through my own mistakes that I can't take back. I thought about my actions... if I did the right things in the end, if I missed out on things because I was being stubborn and such. I thought about how good a friend I was to people who matter to me... how good a lover I was... how good a person I was... Like I said, I let my thoughts run away with me.

What will 2010 hold? No one really knows. What turmoil will I have to overcome? What challenges will I have to face? Will I have the strength to get through them?

What do I want to do in this next year? What can wait... and what can't? Where will I be, mentally and physically?

Can I be strong? Can I face whatever comes at me, and not break? Can I continue biding my time like I have been doing?

Can I be there for the people who matter to me? Can I be strong for them? Can I be there when they need me? Will I have the strength of mind to try for them?

Can I accomplish what I want in this next year? Can I figure out what those things I want are even?

Can I be humble... and can I have the courage to face the things I can't change, the strength to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference?

I really have no answers to any of these things. Some of them... I have a bit of an idea, but nothing sound. All I do know is that nothing I say, do, or think is going to stop the next year from coming. I'm not one to let life pass me by, so I'll face it head on, and figure it all out on the way.
Current Location: Infy's Nest
Current Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
20 November 2009 @ 01:27 am
Stole from razorfoot because this seemed interesting.

1. You can ONLY answer 'Yes' or 'No'.

2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone comments and asks --- the temptation may be hard to resist but these are the rules :p

Kissed any one of your LiveJournal friends? — Yes
Been arrested? — Yes
Kissed someone you didn't like? — Yes
Slept in until 5 PM? — Yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? — Yes
Held a snake? — Yes
Ran a red light? — Yes
Been suspended from school? — No
Experienced love at first sight? — No
Totaled your car in an accident? — Yes
Been fired from a job? — No
Fired somebody? — Yes
Sung karaoke? — Yes
Pointed a gun at someone? — Yes
Did something you told yourself you wouldn't? — Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? — Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? — Yes
Kissed in the rain? — No (want to though >v>)
Had a close brush with death (your own)? — Yes
Saw someone die? — Yes
Played Spin-the-Bottle? — No
Smoked a cigar? — Yes
Sat on a rooftop? — Yes
Smuggled something into another country? — Yes
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? — Yes
Broken a bone? — No
Skipped school? — Yes
Eaten a bug? — Yes
Sleepwalked? - Yes
Walked on a moonlit beach? — Yes
Ridden a motorcycle? — No
Dumped someone? — Yes
Forgotten your anniversary? — No
Lied to avoid a ticket? — Yes
Ridden in a helicopter? — No
Shaved your head? — Yes
Blacked out from drinking? — Yes
Played a prank on someone? — Yes
Hit a home run? — No
Felt like killing someone? — Yes
Cross-dressed? — Yes
Been falling-down drunk? — Yes
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? — Yes
Eaten snake? — No
Marched/Protested? — Yes
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? — No
Puked on an amusement ride? — No
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? — No
Knitted? — No
Been on TV? — Yes
Shot a gun? — Yes
Skinny-dipped? — No
Given someone stitches? — Yes
Eaten a whole habenero pepper? — No
Ridden a surfboard? — No
Drunk straight from a liquor bottle? — Yes
Had surgery? — Yes
Streaked? — No
Been taken by ambulance to a hospital? — No
Tripped on mushrooms? — No
Passed out when NOT drinking? — Yes
Peed on a bush? — Yes
Donated Blood? — Yes
Grabbed electric fence? — No
Eaten alligator meat? - No
Eaten cheesecake? — Yes
Killed an animal when not hunting? — Yes
Peed your pants in public? — No
Snuck into a movie without paying? - Yes
Written graffiti? — Yes
Still love someone you shouldn't? — No
Think about the future? — Yes
Been in handcuffs? — Yes
Believe in love? — Yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? — Yes
Current Location: Infy's Nest
Current Mood: worriedworried
Current Music: Closer to You by The Wallflowers
14 November 2009 @ 04:00 am
Most people who know me know I'm a hardcore audiophile. I love music. I do lean a bit, mostly to rock. Now and then, I come across a song that shakes me, or I just feel so deeply. So today, I found out that one of my favorite bands put out a new album. Of course I got it. I listened to a few songs, and love the album so far, but one song stood out for me. Ironically, it's the first single off the track.

I'll be honest... today started horribly for me. I was kinda ready to give up on most things. Everything felt like a pipe dream, leading endlessly with the goal never in sight. The reason this stuck out is because it means the opposite of everything I felt. It actually helped me get back my resolve.


Now The dark begins to rise
Save your breath it's far from over
Leave the lost and dead behind
Nows your chance to run for cover
I don't want to change the world
I just want to leave it colder
Light the fuse and burn it up
Take the path that leads to nowhere
All is lost again, but I'm not giving in

I Will Not Bow, I Will Not Break
I Will shut the world away
I will not fall, I will not fade
I will take your breath away


Watch the end through dying eyes
Now the dark is taking over
Show me where forever dies
Take the fall and run to heaven
All is lost again, but I'm not giving in

I will not bow, I will not break
I will shut the world away
I will not fall, I will not fade
I will take your breath away

And I'll survive, paranoid
I have lost the will to change
And I am not proud, cold blooded, fake
I will shut the world away

You're right!

I will not bow, I will not break
I will shut the world away
I will not fall, I will not fade
I will take your breath away

And I'll survive, paranoid
I have lost the will to change
And I am not proud, cold blooded, fake
I will shut the world away

Current Location: Infy's Nest
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: I Will Not Bow by Breaking Benjamin
07 November 2009 @ 08:09 pm
These days, I find myself thinking a lot about strength, though, it probly isn't what most would expect at first glance. In my mind, I just want to know, what does it mean to truly be strong?

A lot of people seem to think that to me, being strong has to do with having big muscles, or bring able to pick up things, and other bs like that. But no... that's not what being strong is to me. I really don't have a clear cut definition to be honest. It's always been something that's very gray to me, never black and white.

So, what does it mean to be strong? Is it having the muscles and power, or is it more than that? Is it being compassionate? Does it mean being able to persevere though things that pain you? Is it, no matter what life throws in your path, being able to continue being you? Is it to continue walking down the path you think is right? Is it making your own path, despite what you hear?

Is it being able to forgive? Is it the capability to know that someone has greatly wronged you in the past, yet in spite of that transgression, being able to go on and have forgiveness in your heart for them? Is it to be caring, about those you hold dear? Is it about being there for other people when they need you? Is it having the knowlege to know when you're wrong, and admit it, and to be humble from that? I don't know myself...

Some of these things... I always try to be. Over the years, I noticed that I closed myself up slowly, but in spite of that, I've always tried to do these things. I've always wanted to be strong. For the love of my life who has stood by me since I've met him, to my friends who I can count on through my darkest times, for myself.

I don't know if I'm strong or not.... I'll never know I suppose. It doesn't stop the wanting of it. One of these days... maybe I will know. Until then, I'll continue to search for my own meaning of it. For my man, who I feel has always been strong for me when I felt weak. For my friends when they need someone to hold them up when the weight of the world seems too much to bare. Most of all, for myself, so that I don't have to tire when I people who count on me, and need me to be strong for them, so they don't have to be all the time.
Current Location: Infy's Nest
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Distance by Faktion
02 November 2009 @ 05:20 am
It's about 5am right now. My insomnia killed in hardcore tonight, so yea. I spent a lot of the time thinking, doing some naughty things, and a bit of writing. My mind always trails back to my boy, the only one who I ever felt really got me. Not the me that I let everyone see, not the dick I let most people think I am, not even the caring person that I let the select few see. The me I hide away from everyone.

I worry about him, and get angry at some of the things he does, but at the end of the day, all I want is to see him happy, to see him grow, to see him continue to be the wonderful man that I fell in love with.

Current Location: Infy's Nest
Current Mood: lovedloved
Current Music: Stolen by Dashboard Confessional
19 October 2009 @ 06:34 pm
So, back from FurFright. Even though I was only there for 2 days, I had an amazing time. Went in with a bunch of low expectations because of what I'm doing the following weekend and the length of time I'd be there, and I left with some new friends, and some fantastic memories.

Roommates were zero_whitefang williebear nocturne1800 and our last minute add on odendo

Gotta say, some of the best set of roommates I had for a con. Though... I feel bad for the 36-pack of Mountain Dew... didn't stand a chance for those two days.... -Moment of silence-

I drove Foxwell up from our town on the Friday night. Got in very last, to the point where I said fuck Friday, I'll start con mode Sat. lol. And, oh God did I. Started filling up my new sketchbook, looked at some great pieces, and just had a blast.

Got to see so many old friends that I missed a lot. It was so good to see everyone again. I also got to meet a bunch of new furs that were an absolute pleasure to just be around in general. I really wish I could mention them all, but I might break FA xvx

Do have some special shouts though. Much thanks to spunky for drawing in my book. Cutest thing there now :3. Was great seeing and talking to dragoneer again too, even though the ant assaulted him D:. Much love to jdpuppy and jimwolf24 too. These guys are always a blast to talk to and be around, not to mention I got to see JD give a dance lesson :3. And a big thanks to the Big Coon tonyringtail . You put my magic talons to the test this weekend lol.

I'm so sorry to anyone that I didn't get to talk to or meet. There was a lot going on and I was running everywhere at some point or another. FurFright is, and will always be, one of my favorite cons to go to.

Now that FurFright is done, the only thing on my mind is my trip to see my wonderful gryphon this coming weekend. I can't wait for hold my boy again.

That pretty much covers it all I guess. Till the next con :3
Current Location: Infy's Nest
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: Reptilia by The Stokes